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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22808743">Winter's Delight</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruunkur/pseuds/Ruunkur'>Ruunkur</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Seasons of What Ifs [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon-Typical Violence, Cept Glenn is not the person dying in this story, Ingrid is a rock upon which Felix will cry, M/M, Modern AU, This shit wouldn't leave me alone, angsty as fuck, no beta we die like Glenn, trans felix</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 09:49:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,010</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22808743</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruunkur/pseuds/Ruunkur</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A year waiting of waiting for a loved one can turn into a lifetime of nightmares.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Seasons of What Ifs [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1640443</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Winter's Delight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I wrote this while at work because the phones have been down all day.</p><p>I went to bed thinking about this. I woke up thinking about this. It would not fucking leave me alone until I wrote it. So.</p><p>Here.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sylvain set the phone down, running a hand through his hair. Early morning light slipped in from the windows, Felix turning in the bed to escape the light.</p><p>“Who was that?”</p><p>The question was unneeded, they both knew who would be calling before seven in the morning. The call that both of them were waiting for but neither wanted to acknowledge. It was too early, but he still had to ask.</p><p>“We’re deploying in two weeks’ time. I have to head out next Monday.”</p><p>Felix cracked open an eye, turning to look at Sylvain standing in their bedroom, back to the door and looking like a lost child.</p><p>“That’s… so soon.”</p><p>Sylvain nodded, stepping forward and dropping on the bed next to Felix, resting a hand on his shoulder. “And you’re going to miss me every day that I’m gone, right?”</p><p>Felix grimaced, shrugging him off and sitting up, pushing hair out of his face and peered at Sylvain. “And what happened to retirement?”</p><p>“This is the last tour. Then, it’ll be no more. I’ll be out and we can get a start on… everything.”</p><p>Felix grimaced, reaching forward and pressing a hand to Sylvain’s chest. “And did they say how long you’ll be gone for?”</p><p>“A year, with a leave during the holidays.”</p><p>Felix let out a low growl, dropping back onto the bed. “You better return to me, in one piece.”</p><p>Sylvain smiled, chasing after Felix and kissing him. “I’ll always come back to you in one piece.”</p><p>Felix let out a snort, squirming out from under him. “Then you can start by cooking breakfast. Or a shower. Ugh, we both need one.”</p><p>He wrinkled his nose, turning to look at the state of the room. Unlike the rest of the apartment, it was like a small bomb had gone off, leaving them stranded amidst clothes and discarded school work.</p><p>“I’ll start with breakfast if you would like to start with a shower. Or, we can shower together.”</p><p>Sylvain lifted an eyebrow and smirked at his own suggestion, Felix shaking his head. “You’ll just get started again. You go shower then start breakfast, I’ll be out once I shower.”</p><p>Sylvain leaned down, kissing him once more before he retreated, Felix lulled back into a doze by the sounds of water.</p><p>*~*~*~*~*</p><p>
  <i>Dear love,</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I hope that this letter finds you well. It’s been peaceful out by the waters. It feels like everyone is holding their breath, waiting for the next big fight.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>We’ve spent several evenings now drinking, listening for any sound that could shift where we might need to be. As the holidays draw near, you can sense the excitement. I feel bad for the poor saps who won’t be spending the holidays with their family, but I can’t wait to be home with you.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>With all my love,<br/>
Sylvain.</i>
</p><p>The letter was short, Felix setting it aside and striding from the table as he listened to the pot boil on the stove. The knocking at the door was starting to force a headache on him, the man yanking it open and opening his mouth, only to be greeted by the presence of a too tall Sylvain. In six months, he had almost forgotten what the other looked like.</p><p>“I just-”</p><p>Sylvain smiled, catching Felix in his arms and kissing him. “I was hoping to time the letter and my arrival at the same time.”</p><p>With a clearing of a throat, Felix looked beyond Sylvain to see Ingrid, the woman holding Sylvain’s luggage.</p><p>“As much of a pleasure as it is to see you two together, move, it’s cold.”</p><p>Sylvain laughed, letting Felix go long enough for Ingrid to slip in and shut the door behind them. “Ingrid agreed to pick me up at the airport in order to surprise you.”</p><p>Felix let out a hum, his gaze sliding to Ingrid with a nod. “Thank you for seeing him home safe.”</p><p>Ingrid rolled her eyes, but the smile was plastered on her face. “Anything for the two of you, I assure you. Now, how about some tea?”</p><p>“How about you leave us alone for three days?” Felix suggested, turning his gaze on Ingrid.</p><p>Ingrid opened her mouth, shaking her head. “You will be coming to Rodrigue’s for Christmas dinner, correct? Or will we have to drag you out of bed?”</p><p>Sylvain smiled, pulling away from Felix long enough to bow to Ingrid. “Of course we shall be there, fair knight. I would hate to have to send the battalion up to the battlements to route anyone from-”</p><p>“Enough.” Ingrid held up a hand, shaking her head. “I will come collect you in three days’ time. If you don't show up on your own. Will that be enough for you two?”</p><p>Felix let out a hum, turning towards the kitchen with a shake of his head. “Do what you will, I am going to finish making dinner.”</p><p>Sylvain nodded, smiling at Ingrid with a wink. “We’ll see you in three days, give my best to Rodrigue and Glenn.”</p><p>Ingrid nodded, disappearing out of the door and locking it with her spare key. Felix stood in front of the stove, stirring the food before a pair of hands on his hips distracted him.</p><p>*~*~*~*~*</p><p>“I blame you for the smell of burnt food.”</p><p>Sylvain let out a hum, his mouth pressed to Felix’s neck. The light was broken, the curtains tugged haphazardly closed. This high up, he doubted anyone would want to peek through the windows, but Felix was always the more cautious of the two.</p><p>“I’ll clean the kitchen.”</p><p>“You better, and order us food, I’m hungry.”</p><p>Sylvain laughed, sitting up and kissing Felix lightly. “Just six more months and I can retire. Six more months, Felix.”</p><p>The man let out a hum, watching as Sylvain moved over him, leaning down to kiss him again.</p><p>“You are relentless.” Felix reached up, hooking an arm over Sylvain’s neck and dragging him down, resting Sylvain’s head on his chest. “Now, how about that food?”</p><p>“I fear the prince has locked me in his chambers and I can’t fetch anything-”</p><p>Sylvain’s words were lost as he was shoved off the bed, laughter following him all the way down.</p><p>“It seems as if I have been relieved of my duty-”</p><p>“Order us food or I will get back up.”</p><p>Sylvain nodded, tossing hair out of his face, kept trimmed and tied back while he was serving, now left to hang free. Felix watched him, eyes narrowed in delight as Sylvain moved about the bedroom.</p><p>“Where did you put-”</p><p>The man found what he was looking for, opening an app and selecting a place at random. After ensuring it was some place they ordered from often -and thus had their order saved already-, Sylvain placed it, sitting back on the bed.</p><p>“What will you do once I retire?”</p><p>Felix opened an eye, watching Sylvain as he reached out, touching his thigh. “I will continue to teach martial arts and sword fighting. Finish up my degree and maybe… start a studio of my own. What will you do, Sylvain, is the question.”</p><p>Sylvain closed his eyes, letting out a hum. “Going back to school sounds amazing. Teaching children also sounds fun.”</p><p>Felix raised an eyebrow, watching as Sylvain shifted, pulling Felix’s head onto his lap. He ran his hands through Felix’s hair, a smile on his face.</p><p>“I’ve missed this. I’ve missed you,” Felix whispered, “I don’t want you to go away again.”</p><p>Sylvain’s hand shifts, running further down his back and touching the scar there. Felix closed his eyes, drawing in a breath before letting it out slowly.</p><p>“And I’ve missed you,” Sylvain whispered, “just six more months.”</p><p>“And a family dinner.”</p><p>Sylvain leaned down, kissing Felix before he shifted the man off of him, in search for a pair of pants to be prepared when food came.</p><p>*~*~*~*~*</p><p>The holidays were almost a somber affair as Felix drove Sylvain to his childhood home. Snow drifted from the sky, Sylvain fiddling with the radio before he settled on a song, singing along softly.</p><p>“We should go on a vacation.”</p><p>Felix glanced at him, raising an eyebrow. Sylvain met his gaze, giving him a lopsided smile.</p><p>“You’ll be finished with your degree in six months. It’ll be summer. We’ll have reason to celebrate. We can sneak off somewhere fun, a beach… the ocean and sun. And just us two, with all the time in the world.”</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes, scoffing. “And I bet we would never leave the hotel room to enjoy the beach or anywhere fun.”</p><p>“On the last day, we will. Let it be our honeymoon. Let us celebrate everything that will have happened and a life of retirement.”</p><p>Felix scoffed. Retirement was a lose word. He knew that, if anything got really dicey, Sylvain would be called back. But, there was peace talk on the horizon. A time to celebrate.</p><p>“I’ll think about it. You best come back to me.”</p><p>Sylvain smiled, cocking an eyebrow. “Of course I will, Felix. I will always come back to you.”</p><p>Felix shifted, reaching down and touching Sylvain’s hand. “Can you keep it in your pants for longer than five minutes? Will we be able to stay for dinner or will I have to drag the dog back home before dessert even begins?”</p><p>“Then you’ll be my dessert and I will feast on you until I can no longer move.”</p><p>Felix snorted, shaking his head. His hair was tied back and Sylvain moved his hand, finding the ribbon and setting it free. “We’ll be late if you keep up like this. And you’ll regret the pants you wore.”</p><p>Sylvain laughed, his smile branded into Felix’s gaze as he watched the road, sending them hurtling towards a family he hadn’t spoken to in several months.</p><p>Silence was common between them. What few phone calls were received and given kept them in touch. Ingrid was the only one Felix saw on a regular basis, staying in the city while Glenn went to help their father out in the country.</p><p>*~*~*~*~*</p><p>“Welcome! It’s so great-”</p><p>Glenn was halfway through the statement, his gaze catching sight of Sylvain looking up at the sky, watching the clouds with a smile on his face. He stared at Felix, the man cocking an eyebrow.</p><p>“You didn’t say that Sylvain was going to be here.”</p><p>Felix shrugged, stepping around Glenn and clicking his tongue. “Do I have to spell out my entire life for you, Glenn?”</p><p>“Come now, it’s Christmas. You two don’t need to be bickering the moment the door opens. Come inside, we’re about to start making dinner.”</p><p>Rodrigue’s voice was piercing and Felix turned to him, nodding at his father and dropping his coat on the back of a chair. He rolled up his sleeves, accepting the glass that was passed to him as Sylvain was dragged inside, voices all curling up together and reminding him of what <i>home</i> was supposed to feel like.</p><p>*~*~*~*~*</p><p>Felix curled around Sylvain, listening to the whine of the alarm. Sylvain let out a snort, reaching up and brushing hair out of his face, motions gentle.</p><p>“I need a ride to the airport, love.”</p><p>Felix let out a snort, clinging closer to Sylvain. He let out a hum, dragging his hands through Felix’s hair before looking at the time on his phone.</p><p>“You set the alarm ahead.”</p><p>“If only to have one more hour with your arms around me.”</p><p>“So… you never changed it when daylight savings hit.”</p><p>“And you just now noticed.” Felix reached up, kissing Sylvain’s jaw, dragging his teeth down against his neck. “Fuck me.”</p><p>“I have been-”</p><p>Sylvain’s words were cut off as Felix kissed him, straddling him. His eyes were clear, hair hanging limp.</p><p>“That, I can do.”</p><p>“When you get back, we’re going to the beach. Somewhere warm. We’ll lounge around for days and only venture out of the hotel room on the last day because we’ve realized we missed the sights while we were staring at each other.”</p><p>Sylvain shifted his hands on Felix’s hips, watching the man let out a groan. “You're the most beautiful sight in the world. Any person would be lucky to lay eyes on you. I’ll keep you in the bedroom just so others can’t stare at my gorgeous husband. I’ll come home to you. I’ll come home and make you come with me.”</p><p>Felix let out a huff, grinding down on Sylvain. The pair were breathless, the alarm still going in the background but they ignored it.</p><p>After a shower and a brief breakfast, Felix accompanied Sylvain to the airport, sending him off with one last kiss and a grimace at his retreating back before returning home and laying in bed, body aching.</p><p>*~*~*~*~*</p><p>
  <i>Sylvain,</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I appreciate the letters, I just wish you would write more. I’ve heard word that the fighting has been ramping up and I need to know that you are safe. I understand if letters can’t come and go as I want them to, but I fear that it has only been a month since your departure and I am not sure if I can keep up the mask. I miss you. Please return soon.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Felix</i>
</p><p>*~*~*~*~*</p><p>
  <i>Felix,</i>
</p><p>
  <i>We’re working on cleaning up. Hopefully everything stays sane. I dream about you often. Tell me, do you think of me at night? Am I the only one you see at night?</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Sylvain</i>
</p><p>*~*~*~*~*</p><p>Four months from Sylvain’s second departure finds Felix in the bathroom, guts rolling as Ingrid stands behind him, holding his hair.</p><p>“Are you sure it was just the food we ate, Felix?” she asked, once she was certain he would have a moment to respond.</p><p>Felix grimaced, sitting back and brushing more hair out of his face. “It smelled revolting even before I put it on my plate.”</p><p>“Then why did you eat it?” Ingrid asked, raising her eyebrow. She watched Felix wash his hands, his face pinched as he looked at her reflection in the mirror.</p><p>“I was hungry.”</p><p>“And now?”</p><p>“Now, I want to rip out my own guts. I took only a couple of bites but… maybe it’s a mild case of food poisoning?”</p><p>“Felix.”</p><p>He let out a strained hum, running a hand over his face after he dried them.</p><p>“You cooked the food.”</p><p>He let out a sigh, turning to Ingrid. “It’s another two months before Sylvain is home.”</p><p>Ingrid nodded, her brows furrowed in confusion.  “What’s going on Felix? This isn’t the first time this has happened recently.”</p><p>Felix crossed his arms over his chest, keeping Ingrid pinned in his stare. “I… haven’t confirmed anything yet with a doctor, but Sylvain should be a very happy father when he returns.”</p><p>Ingrid opens her mouth, gaze flashing from Felix to his arms before he’s shoving his way past her.</p><p>“Do you want something else for dinner?”</p><p>“Wait, have you… told anyone?” Ingrid asked, following after him. “Are you going to tell-”</p><p>“Not-not until… Sylvain’s home. I can’t… I need him here, Ingrid. It’s two more months and he’ll be home.”</p><p>Ingrid watched as Felix picked up his mostly uneaten chicken, dumping it in the garbage can. She saved her own plate, picking it up to eat while she followed Felix into the kitchen.</p><p>“Well, what can I do to help you?”</p><p>Felix paused, glancing back at her. “What?”</p><p>“If you need help with appointments or any of that…” Ingrid trailed off, shaking her head. “Glenn is still gone for a couple more months, with the repairs out on the country home and the like. I have the time. Work is slow-”</p><p>“Are you in contact with Mercedes?”</p><p>Ingrid nodded, brushing hair out of her face.</p><p>“And she still does the midwifery?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“I will be reaching out to her then. This is not…” Felix pinched the bridge of his nose, sitting in a chair and letting out a sigh. “I don’t want people to know, Ingrid. Not until I can tell Sylvain in person.”</p><p>Ingrid nodded, sitting across from him. “Sylvain will be home soon. You two will be a wonderful family, Felix.”</p><p>“That’s not what…” Felix sighed, dropping his gaze to his hands. “A child was not something we had ever discussed.”</p><p>“So I take it your holiday visit went well.”</p><p>Felix picked up his plastic fork, waving it at her. “We saw everyone we needed to see.”</p><p>“Did you leave the bedroom at all?”</p><p>“We fucked on the table, on the counter, and on the couch. As well as the guest bedroom. And the shower.”</p><p>Ingrid snorted, shaking her head. “And at your father’s? You may be quiet when you need to be, but Sylvain still needs to work on it.”</p><p>“On every surface we could in ten days.”</p><p>Ingrid laughed, covering her hand with her mouth. “I wouldn’t doubt it. That would explain the bleach that Glenn carried around with him.”</p><p>Felix let out a snort. “Yes, he went… above and beyond. Is Mercedes’s number still the same?”</p><p>Ingrid nodded. “If you need anything, Felix, please let me know?”</p><p>“Don’t tell Glenn, or my father. Please.”</p><p>Ingrid smiled, her eyes gleaming. “A secret just like old times. I love it. Of course I can!”</p><p>Felix relaxed, letting out a sigh. “I guess I’ll be converting the guest bedroom into a nursery. Should I… wait for Sylvain to get back? Start working on that now?”</p><p>“I think you should start getting some things done, but wait until the big reveal. Whatever you need help with, I can help.” Ingrid smiled, Felix turning his head as he heard his phone chime.</p><p>He dove for it, accepting the call with a breath of relief when he read the name.</p><p>“And here I thought you would have forgotten me by now.”</p><p>Felix closed his eyes, sitting on the couch and Ingrid cocked her head, shaking it after a moment.</p><p>“I’m only imagining all the places you haven’t fucked me yet, dear.”</p><p>Felix opened his eyes, watching the red flush cross Ingrid’s face. On the other end of the phone, Sylvain’s laughing, offering a balm to Felix’s mind.</p><p>“Well, I suppose there might be a few that we missed at your father’s. Not at home, I believe we got that covered.”</p><p>“The door is very much not covered, love.”</p><p>Ingrid gagged, grabbing her purse. “Well, I’ll leave you two… to it. Good night Felix, hello Sylvain!”</p><p>Felix waved, watching as Ingrid turned towards the door. “And who are you entertaining at such a late hour of the night, dear?”</p><p>“Ingrid was over for dinner. She said hello and decided to leave before our dirty talk spilled out from just us talking.”</p><p>Sylvain laughed, his voice curling around Felix. They spoke for what seemed like hours, before the thirty minute call was up. They bid their farewells, Felix finding leftovers to eat. He sat on the couch, watching tv on mute before he went to lay down, his head pounding.</p><p>He held a pillow to his chest, imagining Sylvain in his arms.</p><p>*~*~*~*~*</p><p>“Felix, are you really going to avoid your brother and father for another month?”</p><p>Felix glared at Ingrid, his gaze turning back to Mercedes as she consulted with a staff member. The clinic was private, Mercedes more than happy to help Felix and invite him in.</p><p>Sitting in the waiting room had been awkward at best, the receptionist greeting Ingrid and handing her the paperwork.</p><p>The whole thing had been a mess, until Annette had swooped in like an angel, pulling the two to a private room and discussing the finer details with the receptionist.</p><p>“It’s my right to tell people how I see fit. And besides, they won’t be bothering me until the holidays. And when Sylvain gets back, we’re taking a vacation.”</p><p>Ingrid rolled her eyes, Felix shifting on the table as Mercedes came back to him. “Good morning Felix, how are you feeling?”</p><p>“Like an ugly balloon.”</p><p>Mercedes just shook her head, adjusting her gloves. “Well, as much as you feel like an ugly balloon, there are just a few things we need to do. The heartbeat check will be first, then the ultrasound. Were you interested in knowing the gender?”</p><p>Felix opened his mouth before he shook his head, looking away. “I would like to wait for Sylvain to return before… knowing any of that stuff.”</p><p>She nodded, a spark in her eyes as she began to move about. The door was shut, the other staff member having left them. Ingrid sat in the chair to the side, watching with amusement as Felix kept his gaze fixated on the ceiling, squirming when he felt the cold seep into his skin.</p><p>He glanced at Ingrid, wondering what it would be like for Sylvain to be there, to be listening to Mercedes prattle on.</p><p>He closed his eyes, wishing it was Sylvain beside him as Ingrid moved in for a closer look, Mercedes keeping her voice low to avoid spoiling the surprise.</p><p>*~*~*~*~*</p><p>
  <i>Felix,</i>
</p><p>
  <i>With the end of my deployment drawing near, I can’t tell you how thrilled I am to see you again. I haven’t had the chance to really speak with anyone else, but Ingrid wrote. She mentioned that the pair of you have been spending a lot of time together.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Did something happen that I should be worried about?</i>
</p><p>
  <i>How has the end of the semester treated you?</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I miss you more and more the closer I get to returning home. Hopefully I arrive before this letter does, but I’ll be home, <span class="u">soon</span>.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Fourteen more days and you’ll be in my arms once more.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Sylvain</i>
</p><p>*~*~*~*~*</p><p>Felix tapped his phone against his knee, feeling the need to move. He felt weighed down, listless. The last two days had been spent on the couch, going through school work and sorting what could be tossed or what should be kept with the end of the semester behind him.</p><p>With another glance at his phone, he set it to the side, standing and pressing a hand to his back. His spine twinged, pain accompanying the movement. The old wound was acting up with the addition and he was upset.</p><p>Upon standing, he dialed Ingrid’s number, listening to the dial tone and sighing when she answered.</p><p>“Is everything okay?”</p><p>Felix sighed. “He’s two days late.”</p><p>There was silence, before Ingrid let out a sigh. “Maybe… something happened?”</p><p>“I haven’t heard from him since his last letter. He should have been home two days ago, Ingrid. What if-”</p><p>Felix jerked his head up as he heard a knock on his door. He rubbed a hand over his face, seeing it tremble. “Hold on,” he muttered, heading towards the door.</p><p>He opened it, staring blankly at the group of four men that stood before him. “Can I… help you?” he asked, searching beyond them for someone taller, hoping beyond hope.</p><p>“This is the home of Felix Fraldarius-Gautier?”</p><p>“Yes, how can I help you?” Felix demanded, ignoring Ingrid’s noise of confusion.</p><p>“We’ve come to return your husband’s remains.”</p><p>“... remains?” Felix swallowed, repeating the word. “He was… due home two days ago…”</p><p>“There was an accident. A land mine turned surprise attack while they were leaving-”</p><p>“-nothing we could do-”</p><p>“-cremated, our apologies-”</p><p>“Get off my doorstep.” Felix’s phone was broken on the phone, his hands holding the small box, a flag, and several other objects balanced precariously on top of the box. “Get the fuck off my doorstep.” He took a step back, watching as the men nodded, someone starting to stay something else, but the door slammed in their faces.</p><p>He stared down at the box, collapsing on the ground. It was several more minutes before he remembered to breathe, the sound of wailing distant to his ears.</p><p>*~*~*~*~*</p><p>“Felix?”</p><p>The voice was softer, night having settled in the apartment. Felix looked up from his huddled position on the floor, back to the wall and stomach turning. He was cold, his back hurt and his face was wet.</p><p>When he heard his name again, he looked over, staring at Ingrid, her face close to his own. Words were lost as she helped him stand, the sound soothing as she led him to the bathroom, sitting him on the bathroom ledge and washing his face off.</p><p>“Felix, you have to tell me what happened.”</p><p>He blinked at her, hands curling around nothing before they found his stomach, the thing moving inside of him. He felt disgusted, his own body revolting against him.</p><p>“There’s… there’s a box on the table. Sylvain is…”</p><p>The words tasted wrong. Ingrid glanced at him, her hands stilling with the washcloth still pressed against his check.</p><p>“Is he… coming back later than planned?” Ingrid tried.</p><p>“They cremated him. There were… too many…” Felix drew in a breath, feeling a pair of arms wrap around him. His breath came out in shaky gulps, his eyes stinging.</p><p>He hadn’t cried this much since… since the accident that nearly killed his father as a teenager.</p><p>“Felix, Felix, it’ll be okay. Felix,” Ingrid crooned, her hands coming up, stroking his hair once he put the cloth down. Felix let her rock him, his gaze set on the wall, unseeing.</p><p>*~*~*~*~*</p><p>“Good morning, Felix.”</p><p>The light filtered into the room, Ingrid’s voice breaking into his dreamless sleep. His head ached and something was wrong. Why was it Ingrid that was obnoxiously opening the blinds? Sylvain was home. He was-</p><p>Dead.</p><p>Every morning felt like he was dragging himself out of acid. His body burned, his back ached. Mercedes had taken to doing check ups in the apartment after Felix refused to leave.</p><p>“Go away.”</p><p>“You need to eat, Felix.”</p><p>Ingrid was there, her hand resting on Felix’s shoulder. He clutched a pillow to his chest, his mind burning with the last time he had seen Sylvain, a smile on his face and complaining that Felix never reset the alarm clock.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Felix.”</p><p>He tried to push her away, his efforts producing zero results as she tugged on his shoulder. “If you don’t get out of bed, I will call in reinforcements. Annette will be flitting about the apartment singing all day and I’ll ensure that Mercedes doesn’t let you alone even for a second.”</p><p>Felix groaned, shaking his head. “No, I don’t… there’s not…” He pushed himself up, using Ingrid as support.</p><p>“We should tell your father, Felix.”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>The statement sent ice down Felix’s spine, his hands curling into the blankets.</p><p>“Felix-”</p><p>“No, I’m not. No, Ingrid, not… please not yet.” Felix heaved in a breath, closing his eyes and pressing a hand to his side. “I don’t… feel so well.”</p><p>Ingrid nodded, moving to sit next to him. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>Felix stared at her, Ingrid letting out a huff and shaking her head.</p><p>“What pain are you feeling?”</p><p>Felix shook his head. “Can you-” he let out a hiss, closing his eyes. “Call Mercie?”</p><p>Ingrid nodded, grabbing Felix’s phone and dialing. Felix turned to stare out the window, his eyes dark.</p><p>*~*~*~*~*</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>Felix half mumbles the words as he sits in the rocking chair, his eyes distant. It’s dark in the nursery, Ingrid shaking her head.</p><p>“I’m just… glad you’re okay with the colors and the like. How are you feeling?”</p><p>Felix fixed her with a stare, glancing away. “The thing won’t shut up when it’s not sleeping.”</p><p>“Felix…”</p><p>Felix drew in a breath, closing his eyes. “My chest hurts, my head pounds with a fury that won’t leave. Sylvain-”</p><p>Still saying his name caused shards of glass in Felix’s throat. He choked, looking away.</p><p>“Have you thought about therapy?”</p><p>Felix shrunk back, closing his eyes. “I ordered an urn and it came in yesterday. Will you…”</p><p>Ingrid nodded, walking over and resting a hand on Felix’s shoulder. “Will you be okay if I were to leave you for a few days?”</p><p>“Does Glenn think you found a new man or something?” Felix choked, tears welling up in his eyes. He lifted a hand and scrubbed at his eyes, Ingrid shaking her head.</p><p>“While I appreciate you letting me help set up Syvlie’s nursery, I do have other Christmas shopping that needs to get done.”</p><p>“It’s… December?” Felix asked, staring up at her.</p><p>“End of November, close enough to December. I know you’ve been against telling Rodrigue and Glenn, but will you be coming to Christmas dinner?” Ingrid pressed.</p><p>Felix let out a small hum, eyes closed. Ingrid shifted, throwing a blanket over him and letting out a sigh.</p><p>“Think about it, Felix, please. Your family would be thrilled to see you.”</p><p>Felix didn’t stir, Ingrid sighing and leaving the two to their sleep. She locked the front door behind her, looking up at the late November sky and grimacing at  the turn of the last few months. Since September, she had spent more than enough time with Felix.</p><p>She stretched, picking up her phone and dialing Glenn’s number.</p><p>*~*~*~*~*</p><p>Felix turned off the engine, turning to look at the carseat in frustration. The baby was crying again, had been for the better part of the hour drive.</p><p>With a huff, he got out of the car, barely avoiding the slamming of the door before he yanked the backdoor open, shouldering the bags and reaching in to unbuckle the baby.</p><p>The soft snow crunched under his boots as he stepped towards the house, his mouth pressed into a thin line. He had last seen his father for his birthday, before everything went to hell.</p><p>With a shaky hand, he knocked on the door, adjusting his grip on the screaming three month old.</p><p>“Fuck, if it weren’t for him-” Felix growled, shifting the baby and trying to rock her in the manner Ingrid taught him. When the door finally opened, he stepped inside, holding the child out to Rodrigue.</p><p>“It won’t stop crying.”</p><p>Rodrigue glanced from the baby to Felix, taking her and adjusting his grip. “Does… she have a name?” he asked, stepping to the side as Felix shrugged out of his jacket.</p><p>“Sylvie.” Felix breezed past him, right to the cabinet he knew where Rodrigue kept the alcohol.</p><p>“And where is Sylvain?” Rodrigue asked, taking the bag that Felix had dumped in the doorway.</p><p>“Sitting on my dresser in an urn.”</p><p>Felix’s hands shook as he searched through the collection, grabbing the whiskey he knew Glenn had hidden on purpose.</p><p>“Felix!”</p><p>Felix jumped as Glenn’s voice entered the room before his brother, the shot already at his mouth. He threw it back, keeping his back to his two family members.</p><p>“Er, what’s… with the kid, dad?”</p><p>“Ask your brother.” Rodrigue responded, the baby finally falling silent.</p><p>“Felix! I didn’t think you were coming and you brought Sylvie, how wonderful!” Ingrid breezed into the room, plucking the baby from Rodrigue’s arms. “How have you been?”</p><p>“It-” Felix began.</p><p>He felt Rodrigue’s hand on his shoulder, his body tensing as the shot glass was pried from his hand.</p><p>“You knew?” Glenn interrupted, turning to look at Ingrid.</p><p>Ingrid glanced up, realizing that both of them were looking at her, Felix pointedly ignoring everyone. HIs hand twitched, Rodrigue moving the whiskey away from him.</p><p>“Why don’t we start at the beginning?” Glenn suggested, gesturing towards the living room. “We all know that Felix keeps his secrets, but… this is a bit…”</p><p>Felix followed them to the living room. The sound of Christmas music drifted from the TV and he took a breath, sitting in a chair and crossing his arms over his chest.</p><p>“Sylvain and I fucked. That results in babies.”</p><p>Glenn glanced at him, raising an eyebrow. “I am aware of how sex works, yes. How old is Sylvie?”</p><p>“Three months,” Ingrid supplied.</p><p>“And you didn’t think… you could tell us?” Rodrigue asked, having left the glass in the kitchen.</p><p>“No, I was… I was going to tell you, when Sylvain returned-” Felix snorted as his words got tangled, his eyes landing on Ingrid.</p><p>“He only told me because well, I was worried and helping him around the house. He seemed so… sad when Sylvain left, I couldn’t leave him on his own. When Sylvain was supposed to come home in July…”</p><p>“Land mine. They cremated what they could find of him.”</p><p>Felix had called the officers to apologize that day, finding out any information he could. In return, he received an apology for the manner of which they had told him. It could have gone better, on all sides.</p><p>“By that point, Felix… well, he didn’t want to tell anyone.” Ingrid picked up, turning to look at Glenn and Rodrigue.</p><p>“So you extended your visit and stayed to help him as much as you could,” Glenn filled in, “which is why you didn’t give me any details.”</p><p>Felix flinched as the baby started crying, hands flailing and he got up, taking several steps back. “And it never stops crying.”</p><p>Ingrid sighed, rubbing her temples as Felix disappeared into the bathroom. She rocked Sylvie, getting up and heading to the fridge after grabbing the formula from the bag.</p><p>“What do we do now?” Glenn asked, glancing at where his brother had stalked off. “What is Felix doing about this?”</p><p>Ingrid raised an eyebrow, glancing from Glenn to Rodrigue. “It’s progress that he left the house and came here. We only got the nursery finished last month. And that’s only because he gave me his bank card.”</p><p>“And you didn’t at least think to warn us?” Rodrigue asked.</p><p>Ingrid let out a sigh. “He asked me not to say anything. I didn’t… think he’d just, show up and hand you the baby and go straight for the alcohol.” She adjusted her grip on the bottle, holding it up so Sylvie could drink.</p><p>“What do we do now?” Glenn asked.</p><p>Ingrid shook her head. “I think getting Felix out of the house is a start. I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried… nearly everything I could think of. Maybe if Sylvain hadn’t…” she trailed off, pulling the now empty bottle away from the baby and rocking her. “Glenn, could you go purchase a swing?”</p><p>Glenn gave her a look, Rodrigue nodding. “We can go out. Felix had always been a fussy baby and the movements helped. Does he have one at home?”</p><p>Ingrid shook her head “No and it’s not something I thought about getting.”</p><p>“Why don’t you take the baby to the store with father and I’ll stay here with Felix?” Glenn suggested, glancing between the two other adults. “Use Felix’s car, he left the keys on the table. I’ll give him gas money later.”</p><p>Rodrigue and Ingrid exchanged glances before Ingrid nodded, heading towards the door to gather her coat and the diaper bag. “Go easy on him, will you?”</p><p>Glenn smiled, winking at her. He headed to the kitchen and grabbed the bottle of whiskey as well as two shot glasses, making his way to Felix’s childhood bedroom.</p><p>He knocked, hearing fabric rustle.</p><p>“Go away, Ingrid.”</p><p>“Ah, she’s already gone. Something about a store run with dad. Can I come in?” Glenn asked, shifting the glasses in his hands.</p><p>“Go away, Glenn.”</p><p>Glenn sighed, setting the glasses and bottle down. “We both know I can pick this door lock. So, you’ll either let me in or I will break in and ensure that you can’t keep locking it for the rest of your stay here.”</p><p>Glenn heard the huff from his brother.</p><p>“The door lock is broken from last time.”</p><p>Glenn opened his mouth before he let out a sigh, resting his hand on the knob. “I’m not going to barge in on you if you really don’t want me to. But, I grabbed the whiskey.”</p><p>There was a grunt, Glenn taking the meaning to come in. He picked the glasses back up, twisting the knob and stepping inside. Felix sat on the edge of his bed, his eyes glassy. He lifted a hand up, rubbing it across his face.</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>Felix looked at him, accepting the shot glass. “What… is this for?”</p><p>Glenn shrugged, lifting the glass up to look at it in the light. “A congratulations on the kid, or a shot of whiskey to help swallow the pain of being here. Take your pick. Honestly, you picked the best damn whiskey in the cabinet and I forgot it was in there. And, father invited the Blaiddyds over. They should be here in about thirty minutes.”</p><p>“Why-” Felix began.</p><p>“Well, he didn’t think you would be coming. Since you stopped talking to us. We figured that you and… that you decided to take a holiday somewhere warmer than here. He and Lambert started talking and the next thing you know, it’s like old times and the Blaiddyds are coming for Christmas.”</p><p>Felix opened his mouth, closing it when Glenn filled his shot glass.</p><p>“Take a shot and don’t say anything.”</p><p>Felix did as instructed, nearly gagging on the taste of alcohol.</p><p>“Do you want to keep the kid?”</p><p>Felix hesitated, turning to look at Glenn. Glenn held up a finger, shaking his head.</p><p>“You’ve gone through… hell and back in the past six months. I can’t even begin to imagine what you feel. So, take a moment to think for yourself. Do you want the kid?”</p><p>Glenn filled the shot glass once more, putting the cap back on the bottle as Felix looked into it.</p><p>“It… she… she is all I have left of Sylvain.”</p><p>The truth lingered between them, Felix closing his eyes. “A handful of letters, ashes, and a… a child he helped make.”</p><p>“I suppose that was a fun Christmas for you. I nearly ran out of bleach.” Glenn grimaced, shaking his head.</p><p>Felix aimed a punch at Glenn’s arm, his body protesting the movement. “This is serious, Glenn.”</p><p>“I know that. But… if you don’t want the child, separate from any feelings you have about Sylvain, would you be willing to put her up for adoption?”</p><p>Felix stared down at the shot, raising it to his lips and downing it. “No. I just…” He closed his eyes, setting the glass down on the floor and wrapped his arms around himself. “It happened too fast. I never… I was going to tell him when he returned. A… a special surprise. Neither of us… we didn’t <i>discuss</i> what we would do if we had a child. And I never got the chance to tell him. I thank the goddess that Ingrid was willing to help as much as she was. I never wanted a child, Glenn. Not… not like this.”</p><p>Glenn reached out, touching his shoulder and tightening his hold on it. “Do you want to stay in here for the evening?”</p><p>Felix shook his head, running a hand through his hair. “No, no… it would be best if I… played a part of the family. I can do that much. Where did… where is…”</p><p>“They went to pick up a swing. Father said you were a fussy baby like…”</p><p>“Sylvie.”</p><p>“Like Sylvie, so he figured it might help. Well, Ingrid suggested it and then he mentioned that so…”</p><p>Glenn trailed off, watching the emotions flick about Felix’s gaze. He picked up the glass once more, nodding at the bottle. “I’ll play nice, if that’s what you’re worried about.”</p><p>Glenn uncapped the bottle, pouring one last shot before he stood up from the bed with his own shot. He raised it to Felix, a strained smile on his face. “I’m sorry that you had to go through everything by yourself. But, you do have family. We will always be willing to reach out and help you even if you fall.”</p><p>Felix lifted his own shot, throwing it back and grimacing. “For decent whiskey, that tastes…”</p><p>“Delicious?”</p><p>“Terrible. Though, I did make that one chicken recipe last month and it still tasted bad.”</p><p>Glenn lifted an eyebrow but left it at that, holding his free hand out to Felix. “Will you be okay for tonight? We can tell the others you’re not feeling well.”</p><p>Felix shook his head, taking the hand and letting Glenn pull him off the bed. “There’s prep work to be done for tomorrow. I can at least help with that.”</p><p>*~*~*~*~*</p><p>The snow outside settled as the occupants of the house shifted, the fireplace crackling and voices humming low.</p><p>Felix shifted on the chair, listening to the others talk. A two year old sat at Dimitri’s feet, watching his father with wide eyes as the adults spoke to one another. He set his water cup on the table, retreating to his childhood bedroom.</p><p>He stared at the set up, glancing over his shoulder and shaking his head. A small crib stood in one corner, the swing set up in the living room. He walked in, sitting down on his bed and sighed.</p><p>“What have I gotten myself into?” he whispered, pressing his hands to his forehead and heaving a sigh. The familiar screeching made him give another sigh, rubbing at his temples. When it quieted down, he muttered a quick thank you under his breath, getting up from the bed and walking towards the door.</p><p>He paused, grimacing at the amount of noise everyone made fussing over the baby. With a sigh, he sat back down on his bed, putting his head in his hands.</p><p>*~*~*~*~*</p><p>Felix felt more steady by the end of the week at his father’s house. The pain was easier to deal with.  He listened to the humming from his father, his door shut to give himself a bit of privacy. Away from the people.</p><p>Away from the baby.</p><p>He looked down at his phone, accepting the call that came through with a sigh.</p><p>“Hello?”</p><p>“Hi, is this Mr. Fraldarius-Gautier?”</p><p>“This is he.”</p><p>“Hi, this is Marissa from the therapist office. I was calling to confirm…”</p><p>Felix hummed in agreement, listening to the information. “That sounds correct. I will be there thirty minutes early to fill out any additional information needed. Thank you for finding an appointment with such short notice.”</p><p>“It’s our pleasure to help! We look forward to seeing you.”</p>
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